I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
