yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
