I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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