Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
