My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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