You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
her facebook's as public as her vagina
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
