May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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