we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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