he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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