A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
