I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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