What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
