i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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