My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
