hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
