I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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