You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
