Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize