last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
