As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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