His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
