Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
