Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
