Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize