the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
