And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
