I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
