I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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