Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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