he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
