My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
