Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
