i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
