if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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