that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
