i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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