i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
