He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
