we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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