Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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