It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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