he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
