I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
