Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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