did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
