What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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