no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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