Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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