This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
