Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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