Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
