I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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