I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
