She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Oh god it's open bar.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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