I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
