It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
