when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
