More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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