Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I party with great urgency now.
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