I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
